A Photo Interlude

In my first entry at the beginning of the year, I mentioned my photo-a-day project that I've been doing mainly via Facebook.  I shared a couple of my daily photos, and I thought I'd pick out a few more of the good ones to share with you all here.

Apologies for the lack of wit, truly, I'm tapped out.  I'm sick and therefore filled with snot and drooling on myself.  Look at the pretty pictures instead.

 Mossy Tree

 A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul

 Ridley

 Sunset Over Penfield

 Mini Houses

Puddle Reflection

 Nhandu chromatus, Fizzgig

 Cold Sunset

Innocence 

Spotlight: Psalmopoeus cambridgei

Its no secret that I like green tarantulas better than all other spiders.  I don't know why it is, because green has never been all that high on my list of favorite colors, and tarantulas come in all sorts of insane colors.  Purple and black starburst patterns, bright orange, neon blue, you name it.  But those I find most pleasing to the eye are the ones that come in various shades of green. 

My first green tarantula was the Psalmopoeus cambridgei.  These hail from Trinidad, where they get their common name, the "Trinidad Chevron."  I'm not a fan of common names, as many of them are misleading - but these are very aptly named.  On the tips of their toes, they sport bright orange chevrons, similar to the Nike symbol.  The rest of them is a lovely olive green with an intricate pattern of black/dark green stripes on the abdomen. 

If you were a Psalmopoeus cambridgei, your little slice of real estate would look something like this:

Except that you would likely be looking down from the top of one of those trees.  These big green beauties are arboreal, tree loving spiders.  They max out at about seven diagonal inches.

The neat thing about the species in the Psalmopoeus genus is that they are one of a small number of New World genera that lack the urticating bristles on their abdomen, something that most tarantulas originating in the American continents posses.  Being New World tarantulas, however, they also lack medically significant venom.  Because of this, mother nature has blessed these spiderkids with a fantastic alternative to itchy hairs and painful bites.  Speed.

I'm personally attached to this species because it was my first of the Psalmopoeus genus, and the first species I have ever worked with that had the ability to run extremely fast.  My first, who has grown into a lovely juvenile female, when I opened her shipping vial, ran up my arm, panicked, ran back down, and took a flying leap into the vial she was to be housed in.  It all took about 0.5 seconds, and was over before I could blink.  Right then and there, I named her Lightning.

Since then, she and I have had a tumultuous relationship.  I occasionally request small favors from her, such as documenting photographs, not flying out of the lid when I crack it to put food inside, and refraining from eating my face off during rehousings.  So far, she has done so grudgingly, and I don't take for granted that it will continue.  However, every interaction I have with her gives me a further window into her psyche.

Psalmopoeus are fairly reclusive animals.  They like their privacy, their safety and security, and they will go to rather entertaining means to achieve this.  My lady started out in an entirely transparent enclosure, which was soon filled with a maze of tube webs with substrate woven into them.  For a very long time, my photo-ops looked like this:

 Lightning, you have a beautiful toe....at least I knew that much.  

They have a tendency to make what hobbyists pretty much uniformly refer to as the classic Psalmo "dirt curtain."  Not only will they web themselves into a cozy corner, but they will gather dirt and other bits and pieces of anything you may leave around, and decorate until it is completely enshrouded in web and dirt.  You will be lucky to have confirmation that you do indeed have a pet spider, but they are easily lured out with food. 

Tong feeding this baby is one of the highlights of my week.  She will saunter over to the prey as I hold it in the tongs, put her front legs on it as slowly and tentatively as can be, until I let my guard down momentarily and believe that she's going to be gentle.  Then without warning, she rips her meal from the tongs with the force of a professional wrestler, and disappears back behind her dirt curtain.  

Recently, I placed an order with a dealer that was offering cambridgei as a freebee.  I quickly jumped on that offer, in hopes of raising up a potential mate for Lightning in the future.  Having a juvenile that is quickly bordering on adult, I had no idea the amount of sickeningly adorable oozing cuteness that is a cam spiderling, until I opened the shipping vial, and this came strolling out.

For a hopeful stroke of luck, I named this spiderling Mojo, hoping it would tip the balance of fate in a more masculine direction.  He better have some serious Mojo if he is to deal with Lightning's high maintenance personality when he grows up.

Psalmopoeus cambridgei are notoriously easy to breed, and therefore very popular and frequently given away as freebees.  If you think this one spiderling is cute, imagine a whole incubator full of these fuzzy little sock-wearing babies.  

Here, so you don't have to.

(Note the copyright - this is not my photo!)

All in all, these are really entertaining little buggers.  Occasionally they get feisty and decide they'd like to eat you for lunch, but as long as you are prepared for the speed, they are fairly fun and easy to work with.  

My favorite thing about Lightning is my ability to pause and "reason" with her.  It seems that prodding her with a paintbrush does not get me my way - but taking a ten second breather followed by calmly explaining in a reasonable tone what it is I would like her to do, typically is followed by her cooperation.  Now I'm not crazy, and this could simply be spontaneous mood change due to my giving a short attention span time to reset.  But I'd like to think that we have an agreement not to harm one another.  She is not a girl I ever plan to nonchalantly allow to stroll along my arm, but our working relationship has always been quite plainly and clearly communicated. 

Deep down, she really just wants to buy the world a Coke.

28 Days of Recipes: More Blanketed Food

Remember how I said how exciting it is to wrap stuff in blankets?  Well this is no exception.  In fact, I made it with leftovers just for kicks when I had Stefan's sister and her friend over keeping me company one night, and although they were not fans of the ingredients, they said together they were so awesome that they went out and bought more dough so I could make it again.  I'd call that a success.

Cheesy Mushroom Rollups

You need these things, plus a bottle of Dijon mustard, that I apparently didn't feel the need to picture.  Also, I must apologize for the poor quality, as I made these at night, and my camera hates that time of day.

First, you lay out your crescent dough in the triangles it comes in..and preheat your oven to whatever it says on the package.  I believe all packages are different, so just do what it tells you to do.  Obey the package.  Sheeple.

I'm guilty of package obedience too.  I'm not a chef.  What.

Then you chop up some mushrooms!  Make them really tiny, not like the picture.  Don't obey the picture.  I liked this picture, though.  I kind of want to eat it.

And basically...the rest should be fairly obvious.  Sprinkle mushroom pieces and cheddar cheese on your crescent rolls.

Then fold them up however you want, and brush them with Dijon mustard!

I don't have a brush, so I used a spoon and was really generous.

I seriously let that mustard bottle just glop all over my crescent rolls, and it was amazing.  I also sprinkled some cheese on top afterward, because you can't have too much cheese, ever.

Then you bake them!

Apparently "the mustard makes it," at least that's what I was told by the girl who scarfed down like five of these despite the fact that she doesn't like mushrooms or mustard.  Bless her heart.

Here's what they look like on a plate!

Now go forth and make these, and try not to choke on their awesomeness.

28 Days of Recipes: The Egg Thing

Want to know how to win friends and influence people?  This recipe right here.  It is friend making, man (or woman) keeping, popularity on a plate.  

I originally found the bare bones of this recipe in some weird sample booklet that came to my house in the mail.  It was junk mail, but I skimmed it before tossing it, and was glad I did.  I added quite a few of my own touches to the recipe though and over the years have made it entirely my own.  The first time I made it was about eight years ago when living with my (now ex) boyfriend.  I made it for him for breakfast before he went off to work, and he took it along with him to eat on the way.  Let it be said that his place of employment was literally right next door to our apartment (he couldn't get away with calling in sick, since the boss could see right into our kitchen/bedroom window), and therefore he arrived at work with his breakfast still half eaten.  Everybody wanted one of their own.  At lunch time, I made about six of them, and brought them over to hand out to the other employees.  It was all over from there.  My recipe was the hit of the car wash, and although our relationship ended on a rather sour note, apparently was the one thing that he remembered fondly.  A year or so after our breakup, his new girlfriend emailed me, saying that he talked about this thing I used to make, called "The Egg Thing", all the time, and could I please tell her how to make it?

I gladly gave her the recipe. 

I have made The Egg Thing for every man I have dated since then.  Its become like a magic spell of sorts, once I cast Egg Thing, they are mine forever.  This works with friends, too.  Nobody can resist the amazing pull of the Egg Thing.  

Thus, I give you:

The Egg Thing 

But bear in mind.  With great power comes great responsibility.

Here is what you need:

Some large flour tortillas (I used spinach pesto fancy schmancy hippie flavored, but regular works just fine.)

A big ol' bag of frozen, shredded hash browns

Some butter

A bag of shredded cheddar cheese

Barbecue sauce; and

Eggs

You start by melting some butter in a big pan.

Then you throw in some hash browns.  I use about half a regular sized bag to make two Egg Things, but I never really measured it out.  Just pour them in and hope for the best.

And add even more butter.  Because you didn't need those arteries anyway!

Hash browns take eternity to cook.  Go read a chapter of your favorite book.  Get the laundry done.  Pet the cat.  Walk the dog.  Go on vacation.  Eventually, they'll be all golden brown and hopefully mostly not stuck to the pan.  You might want to stir them occasionally, if you aren't actually on vacation.

Then you throw in two of the best things ever in the history of food.  Barbecue sauce, and cheddar cheese.

And mix it together until it looks like this.

The owl approves!

Then you spread it in the middle of the tortillas.  Don't skimp.  Be generous.  Show the love.  Pretend that this starchy, cheesy, barbecue flavored goodness represents your undying commitment to your new friendship or romance.  Plus, you don't wanna have leftover filling, because its really not all that exciting on its own.

Now, as delicious as that looks, and probably is, it will not help you win friends and influence people.  It will not cause an entire car wash to come to your door demanding breakfast.  It will not get you that engagement ring.  Because the magic is in the egg.

Oh yes.  The magic begins.  

If you're like me, you have a horrible time flipping an egg without breaking it.  Well, TOO BAD.  You cannot under any circumstances break this egg when you flip it.  If you do, throw it away, give it to the dog, toss it at the ceiling, but get rid of it and try again.  

SUCCESS!

Only cook it on the other side long enough to not get salmonella.  You want that yolk runny.  This one runny yolk is going to serve your needs for years to come.

Put it immediately in the middle of the hash brown mixture.

Then stab it with a fork until it bleeds magical egg juices all over the place.

And then roll it up like a body in an area rug on its way to be dumped in the river.

Okay, I really hope you roll bodies better than I roll tortillas.  And also, a toothpick won't hold a rug closed. But it will hold the Egg Thing together! 

The next step is very simple.  Feed it to your loved ones.  

They will be yours forever. 

Disclaimer:  I will not be held responsible for the Egg Thing attracting unwanted and unrelenting affection.  If it leads to your inevitable stalking and murder, I assume no responsibility whatsoever, and I just hope that he or she does a better job rolling your body up in the carpet than I did rolling that tortilla.  

Enjoy!

28 Days of Recipes: Wake Up Cakes

On one of my many quests to create sugary pastries that I can eat guilt free and not feel like I have to go jogging afterward, I came across this recipe somewhere on the internet.  It may have been the American Heart Association site, and if so, I'm giving most of the credit to whoever the genius over there was that thought it up.  However, I took some liberties, scaled down the size, and topped it with an owl instead of almonds.  

So without further ado, here is the best damn cupcake recipe I have ever run across.  I call them:

Wake Up Cakes

Everybody loves coffee, right?  Well these cupcakes are full of caffeinated goodness.  It is such an awesome idea that I'm pretty sure I'll be substituting coffee for water in everything I bake from now on.  Mashed potatoes and coffee.  Coffee flavored pot roast.  Coffee quiche.  

Okay, no.  But here are some of the things you need to make these happen.

Again, these are just some of the things.  The complete ingredient list is as follows.

Cupcakes:

1 box devil's food cake mix (mine was sugar free)

1 jar of baby food puree (any fruit will do, I used apples and plums)

1 cup of coffee

3 egg whites

2 tbs canola oil

Raspberry Sauce:

1 bag of frozen raspberries 

1/2 cup of sugar

1 1/2 tbs corn starch

1 tsp vanilla extract

Frosting:

2 tsp instant coffee grounds (I went overboard and bought instant espresso)

2 tsp water

1 entire tub of fat free cool whip; and

1 Owl

Now that we have that out of the way...

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Mix all of the ingredients in the "cupcakes" list together in a giant bowl.  Here's me pouring some of today's leftover coffee in there right on top of the cake mix.  Its so brilliant, I can't believe I never thought of this before.

I'm not gonna lie.  The original recipe called for prune puree baby food.  But prunes and I haven't gotten along since my mother tried to sneak them into every single thing I ate for the first ten years of my life.  Fiber comes in many forms, and I had absolutely no interest in eating like a 70-year-old when I was 5.  Prunes are disgusting.  There is nothing about a prune that is okay in any sense of the word.  The closest I could stand to come was apples and plums, and even that I know is fairly similar in nature.  Really, I think you could use anything you want.  

Just don't use prunes, or I'll never speak to you again. 

You have to separate the egg whites from the yolks.  I used to think this was difficult, but really all it entails is flipping the yolk back and forth between shell halves until all the white falls into a bowl.  It started to get fun once the heavier egg white goop would fall down and leave the yolk spinning in the shell.  I'm easily amused, though.

Don't tell anybody, but I threw out the yolks.  It can be our little secret.  Our little extremely wasteful secret.

The whisk is my favorite kitchen utensil ever.  I remember the day I bought my very first whisk.  It was about eight years or so ago, and it was the highlight of my day.  Later on at a friend's house, I brought up that fact, and she confessed that she too had purchased a whisk on that very same day, and how damned excited she was about it. 

I think that was a defining moment for the both of us.

Shut up and start whisking.

Whisk until the batter is Owl-Approved. 

You didn't forget your owl, did you?  If so, stop what you're doing right now, and go get one.  You cannot make these cupcakes without one.  

I completely forgot to take a picture of the batter in the cupcake tins.  I truly hope you don't need to know what it looks like when one fills a cupcake tin with cake batter, but as a general rule, you fill them about 2/3 of the way to allow for rising up over the top without coming out looking stupid.  I made both standard sized cupcakes, and minis.  Not because I thought it would be special, or more creative, but because I'm lacking in the cupcake tin department, and I work with what I've got.  

Here they are halfway through baking, when I realized I hadn't visually schooled you all in how to pour batter.

Please forgive me.

Also, it is worth noting that for standard sized cupcakes, I baked them for 20 minutes.  For the minis, I took them out around the 15 minute mark.  

Now we're on to Phase 2.  The raspberry sauce.  Which, by the way, you should really have been doing while you were waiting for the cupcakes to bake.  If you can't multitask, quit making this recipe and head on over to the previous entry.

Combine your bag-o-berries with your half a cup of sugar and vanilla extract in a saucepan on medium-high heat.  Then...panic, because you can't find any corn starch.  You could have sworn you had corn starch somewhere, but don't forget to tear the kitchen apart looking for it only to find that you're completely out.

Luckily, I found this in the cupboard.

To be completely honest with you, I have no idea what this even is.  I just know it serves a similar purpose to corn starch, and I needed it immediately.  It didn't seem to have any noticeable effect on the sauce, but do yourself a favor and make sure you have corn starch before you start this project, because most people don't have random weird substitutes laying around, and its even less likely that you won't totally ruin everything by using one.

I should know, I'm the queen of ruining everything.  

After a few minutes on high, your strange little mixture should be bubbly and smell like heaven.  It should look sort of like this..

Resist dunking your face in there, because it is hot.  I know its hard, but try not to leave this recipe with third degree burns.  The hospital is not an ingredient.  

Once its boiling for a couple of minutes, turn off the heat and cover it.  Just leave it sitting there till the end of the process.  You could always stick it in the fridge too, though its probably better warm when you serve it.  I would say its a matter of personal preference. 

I betcha your cupcakes are done.  

Here's one of my minis:

Look, it fits in a spoon!  It was adorable, so I ate it.  I think that all children and animals should count themselves lucky that I can resist eating them.  There's some primal urge in us humans to see cute and want to put it in our mouths.  It appears to be very strong in me.   

Lets move on to Phase 3...the topping.  

This is the best part.  Why?  Because there are only two ingredients.  Instant espresso, and Cool Whip.  I don't think there are many better words in the English language.  And you get to mix them together.

I even used fat free whipped topping so that I could stand there and eat it with a spoon for a while before making the actual frosting.  

Mix your 2 tbs water to 2 tbs instant coffee (or really just equal parts each, you can mix as much as you would like), and then fold in the entire tub of white sugary awesomeness.  Or at least as much as you can manage not to eat with a spoon beforehand.  

It helps if you stir it up to look like some sort of melted animal, or, say, a nipple.  I don't know what that says about me.  What do you see?

After this, I covered the bowl and stuck it in the fridge for later.

When everything is done and made, you just combine them in a super awesome snack-stack.  

Raspberry sauce on a plate, cupcake on top of that, and caffeinated frosting on top of that.  The original recipe recommended tossing some sliced almonds up there, but frankly I am too cheap to buy them for one time use.  Instead of almonds, I prefer this approach:

When in doubt, owls.

28 Days of Recipes: Grandma's PB & J Squares

Last week, my grandmother turned 98 years old!  She's still hanging in there!  Granted she is 98 and not exactly running marathons, but she gets around alright, remembers who most people are, and is healthier than most 98-year-olds I know (probably because I don't know any).  She's still giving nurses aids a hard time, solving the world's problems, hitting on my boyfriend ("well, aren't you a tall, masculine person!"), and threatening to raise a little hell at the nursing home.

When I was a wee little pain in the arse, my favorite snack was pretty much anything Grandma-made, but more specifically today's recipe.  So, in honor of my rockin, hilarious, ancient, and culinary talented grandmother, I've made this:

Peanut Butter and Jelly Squares

This is a pretty straight forward recipe.  I hesitate to even really call it a recipe because its basically peanut butter and jelly on toast.  But I went completely by the book on this one, and did things exactly the way my grandma did while counter-height me was standing by watching and drooling.  If you wanna be cool like my grandma, you need these things:

That is rye bread (by my frequent request), peanut butter, red current jelly, unsalted butter, and frilly toothpicks.

If you make this and you decide to leave out an ingredient, it damn well better not be the frilly toothpicks.  These are the most essential part of this dish, and there's no substitute for frilly toothpicks.  Don't be a total lame-o square loser - pay the extra $1 for the frills.  Or I'll hunt you down.

Also, it won't taste as good, because fun is an ingredient too!

So first, you do this painfully obvious step.

And then, for some reason, my highly disagreeable camera decided to fail at taking a picture of me buttering the bread.  But I have to mention it, because most people overlook this step.  It seems weird, and I'm not exactly sure why it was so integral, but trust me, it was.  The first thing she did with the bread out of the toaster was butter it, before putting anything else on it.  I'm guessing because extra calories mean extra flavor, and even if I'm wrong, I'm not one to argue with that logic.

Once you've buttered your bread, the next step is to make it look like this.

Which is pretty easy, and if you need me to tell you how to spread peanut butter and jelly on a piece of toast, you're reading the wrong blog.

Now, brace yourselves, because we're not done here.  These pieces of bread are large and rectangular, not square, and most certainly not bite sized.  What you need to do next is cut them into squares, and stick a frilly toothpick in each one.  If you do it right...it will look like this.

I promise I'm not geometrically challenged, and I do realize that some of those are indeed bite sized rectangles.  I'm calling for a free pass on the grounds that I'm not a grandma yet, and I didn't take the extra few minutes to cut the crust off the bread, because crust is yummy and I am lazy.

But really, shapes don't matter.  These are fun.  And colorful.  And polygonal.  And whether you're 3 or 90, they're delicious.  Just remember to put your teeth in.

See?!